just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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