How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
