we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There r osticjed everywhere
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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