thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
