im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
