4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
did you get engaged???
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
