It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
