I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
