Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
