At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize