I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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