haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
