At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
how does that bad decision feel?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize