The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
