you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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