By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize