Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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