found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
