God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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