Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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