My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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