Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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