I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
