There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
