Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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