the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
