Can i not drive my cunt home
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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