Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
