Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't deserve a penis
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
