Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
