I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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