That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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