I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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