he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
