i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
