Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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