I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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