she takes plan B like it's going out of style
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
