you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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