Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
