Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
