I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize