dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
