Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
