Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
