Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
