My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
