Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
