these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
