Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
