So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
